Why You Keep Getting in Relationships with Emotional Pigeons 🐦 (And How to Stop)
“Girl… I Think My Picker Is Broken”
AKA: Why You Keep Going For Emotional Pigeons Instead of Partner Material
You ever sit there, staring at your phone after a WYD text at 11:47 PM 🙄, and think:
“WHY do I keep picking the same type of emotionally unavailable, charming-but-chaotic situationship?”
Yeah. Me too. And basically… everyone I’ve ever coached, therapized, or trauma-bonded over brunch with.
Let’s talk about the picker — that little internal compass that’s supposed to help us choose healthy, loving partners…
But instead keeps glitching like a GPS from 2003 and dragging us toward walking 🚩red flags in cute sneakers.
Your Picker Isn’t Broken… It’s Just Wounded
Here’s the tea ☕: your picker was programmed a long time ago — back when your nervous system was first learning what “love” felt like.
If love meant being needed but not seen?
If it came with strings, or silence, or unpredictable affection?
Baaaaby… that became your blueprint.
Attachment Theory 101
Attachment is the cheat code to understanding your dating patterns:
• Anxious? You chase validation and fear abandonment. 🏃♀️
• Avoidant? You crave closeness but get squirmy when things get too intimate. 🧍♀️
• Secure? You’re basically a unicorn. 🦄 Let’s hang out.
Now add in: Imago
Imago says your subconscious is trying to recreate and repair the emotional dynamics from childhood.
That’s why you’re drawn to people who feel familiar — even when “familiar” is someone who triggers your deepest wounds.
So no, you’re not cursed. You’re not “bad at dating.”
You’re just running a love script that was never yours to begin with.
And your picker? She’s trying to heal through these patterns.
So how do we fix the vibe?
Here’s how to give your picker a glow-up:
1. Trace the origin story.
Who did you learn love from? What did it feel like? Were you the fixer, the peacemaker, the invisible one? 🧩
2. Get curious, not critical.
Instead of shaming yourself for picking the wrong one again, ask: what wound was I trying to heal? 🕵️♀️
3. Rewire what feels safe.
Safe doesn’t mean boring. It means consistent, secure, emotionally present. Stability can be sexy — I promise. 🔐✨
4. Pick from your healed parts.
Not the part of you that’s still chasing closure, proving worth, or trying to earn love. You’ve already got the job. You are the love. 💖
But Let’s Be Real…
Even a healed picker might occasionally flirt with a red flag in a hoodie with a hidden sleeve of tattoos and three unread therapy books.
That’s fine. The goal isn’t perfection — it’s awareness.
Your new mantra:
“Familiar isn’t always safe. I deserve love that feels good, not just familiar.”
(Write that down. Say it in the mirror. Tattoo it on your frontal lobe.)
So go ahead — unfollow that emotionally confusing ex or mystery person in your DM’s that won’t give you a straight answer, book a solo dinner date, and remind yourself:
Your picker is healing.
And so are you.
xo,
Jenna
Helping you stop choosing chaos and start choosing the kind of love that actually shows up.
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